Adam

What if they change the name of their game from “Scrolls” to “Fuck You, Bethesda”?

General 1 Response »
Sep 272011

The Elder Scrolls: Arena
The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall
The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion
The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim

vs.

Scrolls

=

Sue!

http://www.joystiq.com/2011/09/27/bethesda-vs-mojang-scrolls-case-going-to-court/

Okay … so some backstory.  A little indie developer called Mojang creates this little game called Minecraft.  It sells a few (i.e. million) copies and becomes a relatively (i.e. wildly) successful indie game.  Back in the early days, the developer trademarked the name Scrolls for a game idea they had for a future title.  Scrolls.  That’s it.  Not “Elder Scrolls”.  Not “Younger Scrolls”.  Not “Scrolls, as in Oblivion”.  Just … Scrolls.  You know what I think of when I hear the word scrolls?  Not Oblivion, Morrorwind or any other game Bethesda made in the Elder Scrolls universe.  I think of rolled up pieces of parchment containing old-ass words that only over-educated, underpaid, self-righteous nerds could even pretend to know how to read.  You know, those things that have been around for thousands of years.   Oh yeah, Scrolls will be an indie developed card game, not a wide open-ended RPG in a massive world with an enormous budget and overpaid top tier voice talent.

Mojang has been trying to be nice about this by heaping copious amounts of praise upon the work of Bethesda over the years (and rightfully so) but Bethesda are continuing to play the role of dick puncher.  Mojang even threw out the idea of a Quake 3 Deathmatch for the rights to the trademark but was again served up a nice heaping dose of douch-fluid from the lawyers at Bethesda.  So now they go to court. 

I hope Bethesda gets decimated by the judge on this one.  The name Scrolls shouldn’t even remotely be considered infringing upon Bethesda’s trademarks.  With any luck, the judge will read the claim, snort and tell the Mojang fellows to walk over to the Bethesda lawyers and bitch-slap them before handing out the victory to Mojang. 

I’d also like to add … Minecraft gameplay is infinitely more engaging than Oblivion was.  And I loved Oblivion, shitty character graphics and all.

With that said, how do I get a refund on my Skyrim pre-order.  I don’t want to support your company until you drop this stupid nonsense and issue a formal apology to Mojang for being dickholes.

Posted by Adam at 11:18 am

The Hollywood Remake … or How My Childhood is Being Raped, One Film at a Time

Movies 1 Response »
Sep 132011
  • The Karate Kid
  • Red Dawn
  • Highlander
  • Top Gun 3D
  • Beetlejuice
  • Conan
  • Point Break
  • Akira
  • The Black Hole
  • Creature from the Black Lagoon
  • The Crow
  • Fright Night
  • Footloose
  • The Neverending Story
  • Robocop
  • The Thing
  • The Warriors

There’s a lot more as well. 

Hey Hollywood, here’s a quarter.  Why don’t you go down to the local elementary school and buy a fucking original idea already.  I’m betting any 8 year old could give you 1000 new ideas to run with.  Stop raping my childhood.

Posted by Adam at 1:37 pm

Hollywood Accounting or … How Darth Vader got Screwed.

Movies No Responses »
Sep 132011

There’s a story going around this week about how Hollywood accounting has fucked over David Prowse, the actor behind the suit in the Star Wars movies (which deserve a whole rant of their own some day). 

Well … this isn’t new.  In fact, it’s standard operation procedure.

You see, Hollywood studios like to play games so that they receive as much money as possible from the release of a movie … at the expense of every other participant in the process from idea to theatre to movie shelf to TV.   It’s a bit more complicated than what I’m about to lay out but it gets the point across.  When the studios come up with an oh-so-original idea for a movie (or not), they will set that movie up as it’s own corporation.  Any ”losses” are then applied to the movie, not the studio.  The studio will then charge this new corporation, owned by the studio, all the fees that they deem necessary to make the movie.  This is in an amount that by design the “corporation” will not be able to pay back.  An amount of money that only the absolute most successful of films could ever achieve.  So when all is said and done and a movie has been made, edited, promoted, released and has made its run, the corporation is almost always still in the red.  So all those royalties and such that actors, writers and so on were hoping for … just a pipe dream.  Meanwhile, the studio made money hand over fist because it’s already been “paid” by the corporation. 

So back to Return of the Jedi.  What the studios are telling us, is that with the theatrical release, the theatrical re-release, the VHS release, videodisk, laserdisc, dvd, special edition VHS, special edition DVD, blu-ray and special edition blu-ray, super secret editions, force power editions, bounty hunter editions and last but not least the “Fucking Midichlorians?! Really?!” Edition … Return of the Jedi still hasn’t made a profit. 

Bullshit.

So, in summary: 

  • Create phantom corporation
  • Charge phantom corporation a fee that equates to how much money you want to make on the movie
  • Let movie succeed or fail, doesn’t fucking matter since we already have our money
  • Profit! 

What I don’t get is how this isn’t completely fucking illegal.  They are essentially printing their own money.  Then it hits me … oh yeah, this is exactly what the government does today.  And since the studios pay politicians an awful lot of money to create these loopholes for them, it shouldn’t surprise me that they can get away with this. 

Here’s some additional light reading on the subject:

http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20100708/02510310122.shtml
http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2010/05/the_friday_podcast_angelina_sh.html

Oh yeah.  While we’re on a Hollywood kick right now …

Posted by Adam at 1:28 pm

Go ahead … touch my wife … I dare you.

Politics, Security 2 Responses »
Sep 072011

Just got done reading this story and felt I had to comment.  So apparently a woman refused the new “security theatre” porn scanner at the airport.  She was escorted into the side room for the follow up groping and the lady who performed the “procedure” began raping this woman by pushing her fingers up inside her vagina.  Multiple times. 

How anybody in this country can look at actions like this and defend them is beyond me.  You say this is okay or this is necessary because it keeps us safe?  Really?!  You’re fucking stupid.  This fucking security theatre makes us no safer than we were before.  In fact, by reacting to acts of terrorism the way we have … by restricting our rights and restricting our freedoms … by striking fear into your lives … the terrorists are getting EXACTLY what they want. 

I am not afraid of terrorism.  I am, however, afraid of what this country is going to look like in just 10 to 20 years.  What will our rights look like then?  10 years ago, law enforcement needed a warrant to enter your home.  10 years ago, law enforcement needed a warrant and a court order to wiretap your phone.  10 years ago, law enforcement couldn’t just monitor your email without your permission.  I present to you … the 4th Amendment of the United States Bill of Rights, written in 1789:

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Secure in your person.  Unreasonable search and seizure.  Shall NOT be violated but upon probable cause and with a warrant particularly describing the place to be searched and the person/things to be siezed. 

If you believe that this behavior is appropriate then I have some questions for you. 

  • Not every passenger is put through the naked porn machines.  If you are truly going to feel safe, shouldn’t they be?
  • Not every passenger is sexually violated before they board an aircraft.  If you are truly going to feel safe, shouldn’t they be?
  • What about kids?  At what age is it appropriate to begin feeling up children?  I mean, if you establish an arbitrary age where it’s okay to physically violate a child, what’s to stop a terrorist from just using a younger child to smuggle their explosives on board?  I mean, he’s planning on blowing up a plane full of people, why would he care about some young kid who’s just going to die in the explosion anyway?
  • A terrorist could just as easily blow up a building (Oklahoma City) that could kill just as many people … should these machines be put in the lobby of every building that holds any significant number of people? 
  • Should those who refuse to be scanned before they go grocery shopping (I mean, lots of people in a grocery store and fuck, I shop a HELL of a lot more than I fly) be subjected to the same sexual assault that they do in an airport?
  • Again, what about the kids?  Do they get scanned?
  • How about sporting events?  Or concerts?  Let’s not forget those.   We’re talking thousands and thousands of people who could potentially die in a terrorist attack.  Why aren’t we sexually violating them? 
  • Restaurants?
  • School Plays?
  • Gas Stations?
  • My home?  Can I install one in my home and scan/sexually assault anybody who comes over to my house?  I mean, it’s important that the people who come into my home feel safe.  What’s the difference?

Don’t fly, you say?  Well that’s fine … if you have a choice to turn down the search and walk away, which you don’t.  The minute you’ve been pegged for enhanced screening/patdown, you either comply or you face charges or a fine.  The only other option is to choose not to fly in the first place … which is what I’ve done.

In closing, I only have this to say to the dear folks who perform these “enhanced patdowns” for the TSA, as well as their bosses and their bosses … Go ahead … touch my wife like you touched this lady.  I dare you.  You’ll draw back a gnarled mass of busted fingers.

 

 

Posted by Adam at 3:43 pm

More changes to the original Star Wars trilogy?!

Movies No Responses »
Sep 012011

Details to some of the changes to the original trilogy were laid out on i09 yesterday and today.

Darth Vader will lose a little more of his dignity in Star Wars original trilogy Blu-rays.
More Changes to the Star Wars Original Trilogy on Blu-Ray, Including the Attack on the Death Star!

I only have 2 words for you, Lucas.

Fuck. You.

Posted by Adam at 1:05 pm

AT&T: 5000 New Jobs if Merger is Approved … or … Fun with Numbers

Mobile, Technology No Responses »
Aug 312011

So AT&T today claims that it will bring back 5000 new call-center jobs if the deal is approved.  My question is … how many T-Mobile workers will lose their jobs? 

We’re not stupid.  What will be the net gain/loss of jobs if we let you steamroll the wireless industry?

[UPDATE:]

That’s what I thought.  David Neumark, directed of UC Irvine’s Center for Economics and Public Policy, has determined that 34k to 60k jobs would be LOST if the merger went through.  Nice try, dicks.

Posted by Adam at 10:17 am

What is My Angry Rant?

General No Responses »
Aug 192011

It’s exactly that.  I read a lot.  I read a lot of blogs and news from sites such as Techdirt, Slashdot, Gizmodo, Kotaku, The Hill, Politico, Fark and more.  A good portion of the shit I read pisses me off.  Well, instead of taking out my frustrations on my friends and family who have so often bore the brunt of my tirades through various social media sites such as Google+, Facebook and twitter … I’ve decided to scream it all out at the top of my lungs right here … in front of absolutely no one. 

Awesome.  Well, here’s the deal … shit on this planet sucks. 

I’m of the opinion that politicians are scum-sucking pigs who deserve to be strung up by their little piggy toes and paraded around city streets so that the populace who are regularly getting ass-fucked by their selfish, greedy policies can exact some little pittance of self-serving revenge upon the pricks who have so gleefully extracted blood from the turnips that represent the average persons life.  I’m here to educate you as to just how deeply you are being penetrated by the politicians and the corporations that fund them.

I’m of the opinion that the tech industry is purposefully stringing us along at a snail’s pace so that they can be sure to leech every last penny from us before dangling the next technological carrot in front of us.  Companies like Apple and Microsoft are pure fucking evil.  Companies like Google appear to be less than evil though that’s likely just a smokescreen for being even more fucking evil.  Some companies do things so well that other companies can’t stand that they are getting their asses kicked so they resort to whiny-little-bitch tactics just to stay relevant so they resort to suing the shit out of one another instead of … oh I don’t know … building a better widget.   

I’m of the opinion that the music industry just needs to die a horrible agonizing death.  Seriously.  Just pour gas on it and light a fucking match already.  That industry has done NOTHING good for music in decades.  It has ass-raped every artist they could get their hands on and deserve nothing less than to have each digit on those slimy hands be shattered into a million tiny fragments of bone.  Most people or industries that piss me off usually just earn a few colorful words from me.  These fucks, however, drive me to the point of pure rage and fury. 

I’m of the opinion that the movie industry is woefully inept and in massive danger of ending up on the same list as those music industry jackasses above.  Stop fucking trying to stop or slow down progress already.  The cable box going away assholes.  Get over it.  Do something better than Netflix instead of just trying to license them out of business so you can go back to the way things were.  It makes you look like a douche. 

I’m of the opinion that you will all either love me … or hate me.  Either way is just fine.  I’m not a journalist.  I’m not here to represent journalistic integrity.  I’m not here to investigate.  I’m here to vent.  If you find something worthwhile from my lunatic ravings, then that’s awesome and I hope you enjoy the ride.  If you don’t then that’s fine too.  Here you go.

Those who’ve stayed … hold on to your britches.  This shit could get bumpy.

Posted by Adam at 3:18 pm
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