I just finished watching Warrior for the 2nd time.  After the movie I was researching Tom Hardy’s acting career and came across a forum about his role in the new Batman movie. He’ll be playing  Bane who is the over muscle bound nemesis who breaks Batman’s back. In this forum I read a lot of comments about Tom Hardy not being big enough to play Bane blah bah.  Let’s stop here for a minute and reflect on Dark Knight. I remember when Health Ledger was announced as the Joker all the comic  forums across america exploded. You could’ve sworn that fat zit faced fan boys were posed with pitch forks and torches outside of Christopher Noland’s home waiting to strike at the first sign of Batman sacrilege.

What happened after Dark Knight was released? All the Fan Boys shut the their fucking mouths and the rest of us truly embraced any choices Noland makes with actors or plot. Not only did Health Ledger give us the most menacing Joker to ever hit the big screen. Heath delivered the best performance of his career.

Now back to Tom Hardy as Bane. Hardy isn’t that tall but is ripped like a greek statue. Somehow all these fan boys have missed Bronson? Where Hardy trained with a personal trainer for 6months to bulk up his frame losing some of his cut for mass. This was to  simulate the body of an inmate that doesn’t have weights to work out with. Yah he looks like a fucking monster in that movie. Put Bronson in instead of Bane and Batman doesn’t stand a chance.

Hell put Christian Bales character “Jim” from the movie Harsh Times and the bad guys would really be scared. That’s what I want to see. Jim vs Bronson in a mega fight to the death. I’m getting off topic now.

Hardy’s performance in Warrior is awesome. His physique shows muscles where most of us don’t have any. He could flex one of his gorilla shoulder muscles and make a guidette cry.  With forced perspective they can add a little height to him and let him roll with it. What I don’t want to see is another bumbling fool in a foam muscle suit making retarded grunting noises like we saw in Batman and Robin. At this point I can’t see anyone else who could play this role better or any other director pulling it off.

This is in response to the ceo's letter to me and the 200 comments I read from users bitching him out.
http://blog.netflix.com/2011/09/explanation-and-some-reflections.html?lnktrk=EMP&g=47B2C1C26C6923171AA9F2EE3F01196C0AC0315E&lkid=netflixBlog
I don't have Facebook so I can't comment with all the idiots about this.
A couple things I find rather funny about the comments I’ve read. First people complaining about managing two queues! We already do that…we have a dvd queue and an Instant queue..Whats the difference now? Oh you have to open another window to manage stuff, boo hoo get over it.
Second one I like is the comparisons between talking and listening for phone services or any other apple or orange comparison. Shipping a DVD is not the same as Streaming! What a concept people.  I don’t agree with making them separate companies…that logic is beyond me. Unless its just a corporate posturing to sell one off.
 When Netflix stopped doing friends and community on their site that was their biggest downfall. Whats big right now..social networks, what did netflix do? Got rid of one of the coolest interactive social network I’ll ever use.
I dropped the DVDs and soon will be dropping the streaming because mainstream movies (available on DVD) aren’t available on watch instant. This sucks and I know it’s not all netflixes fault.  With hollywood contracts that don’t allow netflix or redbox to carry new releases for 90 to 180 days after the dvd release their hands are tied.  Not that I want to hear netflix whine like babies but that would be something worth addressing in the public forum. Trust me the public would take your side and you’d have new releases the day they came out!  I expect if people knew you weren’t allowed to carry new releases because Sony or Pixar would sue you…the public would be just as passionate about your plight as they are about your separation of dvd’s and streaming.
People don’t buy dvd’s and bluray much anymore. They stream or rent. When hollywood cuts off redbox, blockbuster and netflix in an effort to boost sales all they really do is promote piracy. If I can’t stream a movie from you. It’s easy for me to “Pluck it from internet tree” then to drive my happy ass to Best Buy and shell out 20 dollars for something I’m going to watch once.
Please make a bigger stink about the unreasonable contracts you have to adhere too. I think Hollywood need a kick in ass to get up with the times.

		
Snorting coke off a hookers ass
Not that I’ve ever snorted coke off a hookers ass or any form of cocaine off anything, I can say this. In order to snort something you need a immobile hard flat surface. An ass is a soft round surface that is typically bouncing(if you’re doing it right.) This is the complete opposite of what you’re “snorting” for. Also by weight cocaine is worth more the gold. You think you can apply that to a women’s ass without spilling half of it?!  It’s a totally waste and the payoff is not worth the hype.  Now I will admit that I did a myth buster test using a legal powdery substance on a willing participant with no exchange of money. I ended up dumping half on the floor and licking the rest off because the snorting process was dumping the remainder onto the floor.  I’m a true believer that you can’t knock it until you try it and this myth is busted.
Getting into a street fight
How can you make a knock down drag out street fight into a choreographed dance with a little blood and violence added in? Well Hollywood does it every time a punch is thrown or a brawl breaks out. Somehow every punch is more powerful then the last and every man has an invisible power meter that you can overcome with sheer will power. If you’ve ever watched an armature mma event you’ll see time after time that punches are not elegant nor do two men ever stand and trade. real street fights are typically a blur of bodies being throw around and rolling on the ground. The injuries are sporadic and lasting. One guy never has the ability to take on multiple enemies who take turns in their attacks. One guy gets jumped by 2-6 dudes who throw fists, bricks and ghetto stomp him into an unconscious mess. There is nothing glamours or brave about it. Now they’ve (hollywood) has made it ever more unrealistic with everyone being a black-belt in 5 different martial arts. Also since when in reality do hot chicks in heels have the ability to take out 5 full grown men with guns or weapons?
This just doesn’t happen and I appreciate when fight scenes are short, violent and without style.
  • The Karate Kid
  • Red Dawn
  • Highlander
  • Top Gun 3D
  • Beetlejuice
  • Conan
  • Point Break
  • Akira
  • The Black Hole
  • Creature from the Black Lagoon
  • The Crow
  • Fright Night
  • Footloose
  • The Neverending Story
  • Robocop
  • The Thing
  • The Warriors

There’s a lot more as well. 

Hey Hollywood, here’s a quarter.  Why don’t you go down to the local elementary school and buy a fucking original idea already.  I’m betting any 8 year old could give you 1000 new ideas to run with.  Stop raping my childhood.

There’s a story going around this week about how Hollywood accounting has fucked over David Prowse, the actor behind the suit in the Star Wars movies (which deserve a whole rant of their own some day). 

Well … this isn’t new.  In fact, it’s standard operation procedure.

You see, Hollywood studios like to play games so that they receive as much money as possible from the release of a movie … at the expense of every other participant in the process from idea to theatre to movie shelf to TV.   It’s a bit more complicated than what I’m about to lay out but it gets the point across.  When the studios come up with an oh-so-original idea for a movie (or not), they will set that movie up as it’s own corporation.  Any ”losses” are then applied to the movie, not the studio.  The studio will then charge this new corporation, owned by the studio, all the fees that they deem necessary to make the movie.  This is in an amount that by design the “corporation” will not be able to pay back.  An amount of money that only the absolute most successful of films could ever achieve.  So when all is said and done and a movie has been made, edited, promoted, released and has made its run, the corporation is almost always still in the red.  So all those royalties and such that actors, writers and so on were hoping for … just a pipe dream.  Meanwhile, the studio made money hand over fist because it’s already been “paid” by the corporation. 

So back to Return of the Jedi.  What the studios are telling us, is that with the theatrical release, the theatrical re-release, the VHS release, videodisk, laserdisc, dvd, special edition VHS, special edition DVD, blu-ray and special edition blu-ray, super secret editions, force power editions, bounty hunter editions and last but not least the “Fucking Midichlorians?! Really?!” Edition … Return of the Jedi still hasn’t made a profit. 

Bullshit.

So, in summary: 

  • Create phantom corporation
  • Charge phantom corporation a fee that equates to how much money you want to make on the movie
  • Let movie succeed or fail, doesn’t fucking matter since we already have our money
  • Profit! 

What I don’t get is how this isn’t completely fucking illegal.  They are essentially printing their own money.  Then it hits me … oh yeah, this is exactly what the government does today.  And since the studios pay politicians an awful lot of money to create these loopholes for them, it shouldn’t surprise me that they can get away with this. 

Here’s some additional light reading on the subject:

http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20100708/02510310122.shtml
http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2010/05/the_friday_podcast_angelina_sh.html

Oh yeah.  While we’re on a Hollywood kick right now …

Shooting two pistols
Ever since the 1970ies when John Woo hit the movie making market we’ve seen action star after action star wielding dual pistols with surgical accuracy.   I won’t rule out that if you practiced this technique everyday from age 4 to now you might have a good grasp of it. That said I’ve watched numerous friends and police officers on the range attempt this stunt. IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK.  My police officer friend had a 9mm Beretta in his off hand and a 40 caliber Glock in is primary. After 3 shots the 9mm recoiled into his primary hand knocking the safety on the Glock. He stopped shooting at this point because it hurt his hand and had to put the Beretta down to turn the safety off on the Glock.
Another friend of mine tried shooting two pistols, lost control in the frenzy and ended up shooting off range. Not only could he not hit his intended target but he couldn’t even get the bullets down range. This prompted the range marshal to eject us for the day. (We did not protest his decision)
Two highly experienced shooters, neither could reliably hit a target with more then the first aimed shot.
Wake up sex or morning sex
The problem with the Hollywood version of this is you can not smell what’s going on, nor can you feel how tired you are. If you put morning breath in a bottle you could sell it as birth control. Sex in the morning isn’t an un pleasureable thing it’s just a complete lie to see a man and women without bedhead, all the energy and romance in the world kissing each other as if they both just at andres chocolates treats.Sex on the beach  (or in water)
If this isn’t the best example or Hollywood making something look completely awesome that sucks I don’t know what is. In reality you couldn’t pay me to fuck a supermodel on a California beach or swimming pool. Let’s attack the beach first and I’ll reference pacific coast beaches because that’s where Hollywood typically shoots these scenes. Have you ever been to a California beach? The water is about 60degrees. Its so fucking cold that the mans balls would re-track back up into his pelvic region and his hard-on would be gone in about two seconds.  We all know how hard it is to set the mood for a women. WTF does 60degree water do to the mood? Now add in that this water isn’t standing water but frigid cold waves splashing abrasive sand up your asscrack. This sand will also make it’s way into your lady friends nether region and scratch both of you if you continue this fucked up sexual activity. I mention the pool just to cover the base of sex underwater. In order to have sex you have to have lubrication. The women has to be wet or you have to have lube. Water is not a lubricate, it only washing it all way. Have you ever ran your finger across a clean tuber-ware container that grabs your skin with so much friction it makes that low pitched squeak.
This is the equivalent of an anti-lock breaking system where your dick is the brake pad and her vagina is the rotor. It only looks good on film people!

Details to some of the changes to the original trilogy were laid out on i09 yesterday and today.

Darth Vader will lose a little more of his dignity in Star Wars original trilogy Blu-rays.
More Changes to the Star Wars Original Trilogy on Blu-Ray, Including the Attack on the Death Star!

I only have 2 words for you, Lucas.

Fuck. You.

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